why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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