me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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