There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
dude. I can hear the air.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
