There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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