i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
