Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
