Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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