Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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