i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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