Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You made out with two different species that night
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
