If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
