Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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