Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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