Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
