there's paper in my vomit.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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