I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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