It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
