I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
