That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
