it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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