Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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