Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize