If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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