bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
