16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
