I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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