I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
