i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
