I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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