come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
