Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
