Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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