My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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