Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
