I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
