i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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