ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
