So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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