dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
