I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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