my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Everyone says I win the strip club
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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