Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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