ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
