ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
