i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
