she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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