she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
