at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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