Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
