Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
