I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I just found a bag of teeth...
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
