Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
