I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
