69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
