She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
