You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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