I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize