I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i think i have two assholes
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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