So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
