We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
