I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
