We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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