My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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