omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
