Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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