Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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