if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
