Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
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