scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
soo... how was my night?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
