just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
