So drunk its hurt
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
