We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Randomize
