Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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