Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I am mentally ready for anal.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize