Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
