im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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