if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize