you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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