i think my tv is drunk
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
