Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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