Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
