Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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