Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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