when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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