I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
