I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
