I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
