Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
